If not you ... then who?

I'm going to pose a question to you. Only you know the answer and only you can determine the importance of that answer and whether it inspires you to love your loved ones even more. Children thrive on attention and affection. Men are empowered by respect and acknowledgement. Women flourish when they feel cherished and valued. You have men, women and children in your life that you love, that you talk to every day, that you influence. They are the ones who have been given to you...to whom you have been given. 

So I was wondering, in your world, who is making eye contact with that child of 3,6,11,or 16? Who is telling them they are great? Who is noticing their progress? Who points out their positive qualities? Who is expecting good outcomes for them and painting that picture in words and deeds? Who is saying I love you, I'm glad your here, things aren't always easy but so many wonderful things are out there for you and you are going to do great? They need someone to believe in them...if not you, then who?

He needs the same thing...your vote of confidence...your trust. Who is noticing his strengths and talents? Who is expressing gratitude for his effort and courage? When does he hear a compliment that is not followed by a criticism? He fixes things he doesn't need to be fixed. Build him up, the world is perfectly capable of taking him down a notch or two without your assistance..but love...the world's not so good at that. So if the encouragement and confidence, the love and affection don't come from you, then who?

She's beautiful. She has passion and compassion and a repertoire of emotions to last a hundred lifetimes. Stop looking at what she does for you, for a moment, and look at her. She's amazing. Listen to her, she's trying to share something with you. Tell her she is more important than her task list, more precious than any possessions. Give her the comfort of your touch, hold her hand, take her face in your hands, make direct eye contact and without wavering say what's true..."I love you." If she has any doubts weighing on her, help her get rid of them. She needs to be cherished and if it's not going to be you...then who?

You make a tremendous impact on the people in your life every day, with what you do and do not say. You can brighten their lives and warm their hearts in ways that no one else could do. You can light a fire or quench a spirit with the little things you choose to do. In the beginning the world was darkness. God said, "Let there be light." You are the light of the world. If not you...then who?

Confessions of a Social caterpillar...

When I moved to here twelve years ago every friendship was new. Within a few months I had a great group of single friends to hang out with. Then one by one they married or moved on 2001..2002...2003. By 2004 my social circle had had all but vanished with vague comments of we'll get together soon...I promise....bye bye buddies.

At that same time I got very involved in volunteering with local law enforcement...it seemed like a great way to support the community and meet a lot of new people. It turned out to be a new career. I was bored and lonely and it was exciting, a ton of fun and the people were cool. It was a great distraction but I got lost along the way. I'm very successful and very alone...time for a course correction.

I'm trying to remember how to have a social life again. Last summer I joined a singles group and made some new friends. In the fall I began reconnecting with the remnant of the original crew. Three of us never married and the teens are now twenty-somethings...we all remembered the fun times ...we just needed a social butterfly to coordinate the gatherings.

I feel more like a caterpillar than a butterfly but we have started doing some things together again and I really do enjoy their company. Four of us went out for sushi tonight...my only plans for valentines...tomorrow night it will be me, the dogs and the latest episode of Hawaii 5-O. I hope my plan for next year will be different... nothing monumental just a picnic or a porch swing, maybe a little candlelight...

Recognizing royalty...

My favorite rock band is Superchick. They have a cool song called Princes and Frogs. In the chorus to that song the boys in the band sing.."All princes start as frogs and all gentlemen as dogs. Just wait till its plain to see ...What we're growing up to be. Cause some frogs will still be frogs ...And some dogs will still be dogs. But some boys could become men ...Just don't kiss us 'til then."

I remember as a little girl a frog figurine that my sister had that said "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" So how do you tell the difference...since they are all disguised as guys.  Here are my thoughts...Frogs hop in and out of things, Princes lead. Frogs spend a lot of time telling you it's not easy being green, Princes know it's not easy being anything and it's not all about them. Frogs puff themselves up to look bigger and more impressive, Princes have humility and understand the difference between arrogance and confidence...and in the end Frogs catch flies and Princes catch Princesses...I know what category I want to be in.

Fairy tales aside, when I meet a guy I might like to date I notice things...a great smile, a fun conversation...that's the surface stuff ...but I also pay attention to how he treats people who have nothing to offer him. Is he kind when he thinks no one is looking or is he just trying to show off? Does he spend all his time mocking and complaining or does he show appreciation? All those things of the heart..kindness, bravery, passion, compassion...they will be evident in his behavior...you just have to pay attention to what's really important...which as it turns out is a Princess' number one responsibility.

Silly Love Songs...and Disney Princes

The future love of my life and I have a song. He doesn't know it yet ...because...well because we still haven't met. I'm willing to change it once he weighs in with an opinion but for now Oleta Adams' "Get Here" is our anthem. Perhaps when he gets here we can chose something by his favorite singer.

There are so many romantic songs to enjoy in every genre. For a love song sung by the guy to the girl one of my favorites has to be George Strait's "I Cross My Heart" sung at the end of the movie Pure Country. I'm pretty sure I've cried every time I've seen that scene. For the girl singing to guy I like Anne Murray's "Just Another Woman in Love". 

And from the Disney songbook, the love theme from Sleeping Beauty's "Once Upon A Dream"...her Phillip is by far my favorite Disney prince. He was all guy, rode in on a white horse, fell in love with the girl when he heard her singing, slew the dragon with a sword while bearing a shield with the symbol of the cross, saved the kingdom, kissed the girl and was completely undisturbed by random magical wardrobe changes. When I see that sticker that says, "I blame Disney for my unrealistic expectations of men" I think of Prince Phillip. Oh Walt what have you done to me?

My Romantic Notions...

Everybody has there own ideas of what they think is romantic. There is a popular series of books on the 5 Languages of Love but I think there are probably as many variations of romance. There are things I think are romantic that you would not enjoy at all and vice versa. So what are some of my romantic notions...here are three.

1) A picnic for two. Not that I don't appreciate family picnics and company picnics but the crowd kinda infringes on the intimacy of it all. Whether it is cold fried chicken and lemonade at the levee by the lake, something bubbly with steaks on the beach or hot dogs and cherry cokes on a rooftop down town. The classic version is great but the unusual and unexpected is even better. It is a combination of preparing a meal, being creative and resourceful, and then selecting a place and saying let's you and me sit here a while, enjoy a meal, enjoy the view, enjoy each other's company. No fancy menus and tipping the waiter, no dirty pots and pans and loading the dishwasher just a mini holiday for and hour or so...just us. I think that's romantic.

2) Swings are romantic. Porch swings, tire swings, playground swings. Perhaps it is the element of escapism and fun and even freedom. In general, serious things don't happen in swings. The one possible exception being a serious makeout session but that is why in most southern homes the porch swing is in clear view of the kitchen window...so that it can be properly chaperoned. Swings don't require batteries, reservations or athletic prowess. They're just a great place to hang..and the one arena where pushing each other around isn't such a bad thing to do. Let the world go away..let's just be kids again.

3) Fires...giant bonfires, regular hearth fires, and the smallest of them all candlelight. They are all romantic in their own way. Beautiful battles of light against the dark, the feeling of warmth driving out the cold. The dance and sparkle of the flame. Yeah, fires, in their proper place, are about as romantic as it gets. And enjoying them with the person who lights you up...well... there you have it...romance.

These are my romantic notions...I bet you have a few of your own...Happy Valentines Day! ;-)

Do you remember your first big crush?

My first BIG crush was a guy named Dan. He was a counselor and I fell for him on the bus on the way to summer camp. He stood up to give a welcome speech and suddenly I was a twelve year old in love. It must have been a great speech because within minutes I knew he was smart, strong, kind, funny and in my eyes fascinating. 

However, when said his last name I was shocked to discover I already knew his brother Ted...his brother and my brother had been classmates in college. Ted was not like Dan. Ted made fun of me. Ted was annoying. He was not cute, kind or fascinating...at least from my twelve year old perspective and I just couldn't believe the two of them could possibly be related. And the mystery of that made Dan even more interesting.

I spent most of my time at camp shadowing the counselors...specifically Dan and Robert. Robert had also been a classmate of my brothers, and was equally as cute as Dan but I had met him when I was five and was no longer in awe.  I have to say I took advantage of Robert's presence because I was completely comfortable talking and joking with him. I could barely communicate with Dan because the minute he made eye contact I was tongue-tied. I wanted Dan to think I was cool and I had no idea how to impress him.  It was my first summer camp and my first big crush.

Dan didn't break my heart. A later crush did that damage. He was just the first one who made it skip a beat and started that romantic dream...some day I'm going to marry a guy just like him. Thirty years later I have no idea what became of Dan. I know that he married. I remember meeting his wife when I was 14 and pretending not to be jealous that she got to him before I had the chance to grow up. Robert and I both grew up and became good friends and he has a wonderful wife and a beautiful family.

I'm still single. I've had quite a few crushes since then. Smart, strong, kind, funny, fascinating guys still make my heart skip a beat and one day I'm going to marry someone like that. I still get tongue-tied when I fall in love and my friends think that's hilarious because they usually can't shut me up. When I was twelve I was full of hopes and dreams with no idea where they might take me...what do you know...I haven't changed at all.

I love the volunteers...

I have a very unique job. The people I work with don't have to be there. Their self-worth... their livelihood...their life goals are derived from other sources. They are volunteers, they are here because they want to be. They can leave any time they want, and for any reason they want. I think they are truly wonderful.

Any time you are dealing with groups of people there is a spectrum of respect and relationships. No matter how hard you work or how good you do your job at any given time 10% of the group doesn't like you and of that segment 10% of them are actively working against you. Conversely there is another 10% that thinks you walk on water and are actively promoting you whether you are aware of it or not. The thing is...I love all of 'em ... the ones that love me, the ones that hate me, and the majority in between.

I love that they don't want to sit at home and watch when they have the opportunity to participate. I love that they genuinely care about their community...and their neighbors...and their neighbor's cat. I love that they care enough about doing things with excellence, that they get angry when things don't meet their expectations...even when they are angry with me. I love that no matter how much we do, they want to do more.

I love that they come in all shapes, sizes, ages, backgrounds, abilities, preferences and personalities. I love that they show up and speak up and volunteer. I love the smart ones, the sweet ones, the sassy ones, the easy-going ones, the grumpy ones, the paranoid ones, the difficult ones, the quiet ones, the noisy ones, the compassionate ones, the curious ones, the nice ones, the nutty ones, the friendly ones, the feisty ones, the devoted ones, the demanding ones, the generous ones, the dramatic ones...and the other ones too. :-P

The national slogan for our program says that in a disaster there is a job for everyone. I love that when things go wrong...these are the people who will be coming along side, helping each other, helping our first responders, doing good and doing it well. I love the volunteers.